Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
