Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
