is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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