I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
