your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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