ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
