he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
