My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
