She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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