Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
