Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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