Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
