Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do vagina's smell?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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