I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
