I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
