normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
