I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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