what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
