hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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