We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
