It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
