could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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