quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
