So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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