If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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