Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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