My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
