I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
