Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
