I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
