Sry I called you an 8
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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