You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
