don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
