I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
