Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
