nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
