well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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