You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
two words...techno handjob
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
