Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
