i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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