And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
