This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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