I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
