I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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