apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
