Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
