Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
