I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's rum buckets o'clock
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
