New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
