I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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