I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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